Searching For Simplicity
by Amcwish
Summary: With Jude and Connor, nothing is simple. Takes place during and after the shooting in 2x19. Jude/Connor
1. That Night

Jude's POV:

I knew it wasn't a good idea. I knew we shouldn't have gone along with it. But we did. And that's how we wound up in this mess.

The trouble started when I rode my bike down to Brooklyn's house to TP it. But it was all made clear when a voice had emanated from the distance. Shouting in confusion of who could possibly be in his house that specific night when the other members of his family clearly stated they wouldn't be.

_It was Taylor's Dad. But that's not important. What was important was the gun shot that followed. A move made out of pure fear. I saw the bullet race passed me, inches away from hitting me. It felt like the bullet flew in slow-motion._

_The victim's cry shook the house as it fell to the ground. I saw the faces in front of me turn around in horror. I didn't want to look down. Instead I studied the faces in front of me. _

_Taylor._

_Daria._

_No._

_I didn't need to look down, I knew who it was. Daria fell crying hysterically. Taylor stared at Connor for a minute then looked at me empathetic. Because she was the only one who knew everything. _

_Daria held on to his hand with a death grip, her knuckles turning white. I looked out the patio door. The blood was just too much. _

_He had gotten shot in the shoulder. At least that's what I heard Taylor saying after she had dialed 911. At least it wasn't the head. Thank goodness it wasn't the head. It is almost impossible to survive that. _

_"Jude." Daria whispered in a small voice that I could barely hear. I turned towards her and she continues. "He said your name. I think he wants to talk to you." _

_I didn't want to talk to him though. In the least, I was scared, terrified. Blood makes me sick. But I went over to him anyways, kneeling besides him. "Connor." My voice is croaky and strained. Taylor turns around and looks at us. _

_He doesn't say anything, he moves his hand slowly, trying to hold mine. I grab it instantly. Taylor is smiling, her eyes glistening with tears. I turn back to Connor._

_"I love you." Is all I say, tears streaming down my face. His grip on my hand lessens but he is still there. _

_"I love you too." He responds, drifting out of consciousness. I hold his hand even tighter. Daria looks to Taylor for an explanation, but Taylor is looking at us. _

_"You're going to be okay." I say with a shaky breath as the EMT's put him in the ambulance and drive off._

**AN: Okay so now I'm going to do the same scene in Connor's POV, just making that clear :) ...**

Connor's POV

I didn't expect the night to go like this! How could I? If I had, I would never have gone, never mind practically forcing Jude to go too.

This is how the night played out for me: it was one big blur. Going to Brooklyn's house, kissing Daria (that's what basically happened most of the night), going to Taylor's house, a gun shot and then pain. Nothing but pain.

TPing Brooklyn's House was actually a lot of fun. It helped me let go some of my anger, mostly caused by my dad. It made me feel...

Free.

Kissing Daria, on the other hand, made me feel trapped. I was a bird in a cage being forced to do something that they don't want to. Maybe I wanted to like it though. Hell, of course I wanted to like it. He would be happy if I liked it. But I didn't. I hated it. When I kissed her, I felt nothing.

Going to Taylor's House was my disguise. Taylor suggesting we get drunk and make out. It would have been my disguise. The bottle of Jack Daniels handing me the best alibi on a silver plater. My excuse for the "crime" of kissing only one I actually want to, being that an alcoholic fog blinded my eyes and made my conscience hazy. That isn't right, and it makes me sick.

The gun shot banged around in my head. The noise remaining in my mind, even after the bullet had long been inside me. I looking around, the second after I heard it, trying to see who/what got shot. My three companions were okay, I was glad for that, but their faces showed that everything was not. Confusion filled me piling up into millions of questions, that we're all instantly answered when fell to the ground.

I heard Taylor and Daria as they gasped, hearing me fall to the floor. I didn't hear Jude say a word. All I could see was the cream-colored ceiling.

Daria fell besides me crying as she grabbed my hand. Once again, nothing. Guilt stacked brick by brick, crushing me. But all I could feel was the pain. I had never felt anything more excruciatingly painful in my life.

Guilt laced in my words, I finally whispered "Jude?" Hurt shone through her face. I must have been the worst boyfriend. Here we were, dating, and instead of wanting her, I wanted my friend.

But he and I know that he is more than that. She doesn't.

She gets Jude and a minute later he is facing me. We hadn't been on the best of terms since we kissed in his bedroom **(AN: I know in the episode, they weren't necessarily on bad terms but I just wanted to say that they were. I'm pretty sure I can do that to an extent)**. I tried to move my hand to hold his but it feels like cement. Jude sees my effort and grabs my hand instantly. I mentally smile as he said something I never expected.

"I love you." I could feel myself slipping away.

I had to say it back "I love you too." I manage to spit out before I got sucked into unconsciousness.


	2. Acceptance is the Key

"Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free."

Chapter 2:

Connor's POV

I regret nothing.

The disgust on my father's face made me want to laugh. His voice was calm yet stern. It scared me. "What does that mean?"

What does it mean! It doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't matter what it means. You know what it means? It means that you're so stereotypical that you just assume that my best friend is gay. And that even doesn't matter. What matters is that your so stuck on your rules and tradition that you won't even give Jude a chance when you are only assuming.

I sat in silence, looking up at him. He stormed out in anger.

Jude's POV:

I was staring down the hallway of the hospital, staring out into space when Stef nudged me. I look and see Mr. Stevens walking towards us. His face looked angry but yet he strode almost casually, very odd.

Stef, Lena and I all stand up. "How is he?" I ask. He flashes me a look of total disgust and anger, but it disappears in a second.

"May I speak to you, please?" Mr. Stevens asks Lena, not a hint of hate in his voice, extremely odd. They both step aside to talk, their voices not audible from where I'm standing. Lena throws her hands in the air and looks at us. Now that's more like it! Lena walks back to us.

"He said that Connor told him that the whole thing was your idea." Lena tells us. I can't believe this!

"Is that true?" Stef questions.

"No" I answer instantly. How could he do this to me?

**A Couple Days Later**

Connor's POV:

Taylor walks in with her dad. She looks over to my dad who was currently holding my cell phone. He took it She runs up to me. She whispers because my dad is in the room. "Jude needs to talk to you. I'll give you my phone to text him since I saw your dad with yours."

My dad exits to get a drink. I motion for Taylor to give me the phone, but she puts her up, signaling me to hold on. "First I need to ask you something."

"Okay." I state, scared out of mind with the possibilities.

"Do you like Jude?" She asks simply. But this is anything but simple. Worst. Possible. Question.

"He's the best friend I've ever had-" I stated acting obviously.

"Not what I meant. You know what I mean." She interrupts. Taylor is too smart, she knows the answer already.

I take a breath. "I love him." I tell her. She smiles. But then quickly gives me a serious expression.

"Then please, don't make him suffer. Tell him, tell all of them. He deserves that. If you love him, tell them." She tells me. I know she's right, but I've been dreading thing ever since the day I liked him.

"Okay." I say. Right on cue, my dad walks in. I sit up.

"Do you want me to tell Daria?" She whispers in my ear. I nod and she starts texting. I feel awful that I'm breaking up with her over text, but what else can I do.

"Dad. I have something to tell you." He turns around and looks at me.

"What?" He boomed.

I took a deep breath, and finally said "Dad, I'm gay."

**An Hour Later**

Jude's POV:

Why?

Why does he always do this? First he is always leading me on and now he is saying that I was the one whose idea it was to sneak into Taylor's house!

My phone buzzes, it's Taylor. I stop thinking about what has happened and focus on if Connor's okay.

_**Me: How is he?** _

The seconds that it takes her to respond are killing me.

**_Taylor's Phone: I'm fine._**

Confusion falls over me. Another text shows up.

**_Taylor's Phone: It's me. _**

It's Connor. I should want nothing to say to him, I should want to ignore him. But I don't, I won't. Ever. I can't ignore him.

**_Me: Connor? _**

Duh, idiot! Who else would it be? But what happened to his phone?

**_Connor: Yup_**

_**Me: How's your shoulder? **(AN: I know it was his foot, but in the last chapter I said it was his shoulder so... I'm just going along it.) _

**_Connor: hurts like a bitch _**

I need to ask him if what his dad said was true. That Connor had said it was all my fault. Because suddenly, I don't believe it anymore.

**_Me: Why did you tell your dad it was my idea to sneak out?_**

It doesn't take him long to respond. I look at it quickly.

**_Connor: What? I didn't_**

I am flooded with relief. I should have known that he wouldn't have done that. Something must have happened. Mr. Stevens might have disguised his anger, but he certainly was. I started to panic

**_Me: Really? Are you okay? _**

Once again he didn't respond for 30 seconds or so. But each one dug into me and added to the growing pile of questions in my mind. But yet somehow, they were all answered with his response.

**_Connor: I told my dad I'm gay. _**

Six words. Six words never made me feel so many emotions at once. I had no idea what to think. I mean, sure, it's great for me, he can break up with Daria! But I worried about Connor. As soon as he gets home from the hospital, I don't know what his dad will do. His absence from there could be short. He really hurt him.

I didn't know how to feel, what to do, what to think, what to say. It only took six words to send my world spinning in both sadness, guilty ness, and happiness. Barely knowing even how to breathe, I just sat on my bed, gazing at the wall.


	3. Romeo and Juliet

Chapter 3:

Jude's POV:

Hopeless. I felt hopeless.

Sitting on the hospital floor, not allowed to see him. Hopeless. I was so close. But the door separated us. So Hopeless.

Mama walked down, not surprised at all at my attempt. Not surprised I was sitting there. Not surprised I lied

Because maybe Connor and I aren't cousins. But we are enough that I should be able to see him. I need to see him. I must see him.

My mind was drifting, avoiding the upcoming conversation. Mr. Stevens departed, but not before saying "I'm going to grab a cup of coffee. And when I come back, he needs to be gone. Otherwise, I'm going to call security."

It's like Romeo and Juliet.

Lena sat besides me. "I know how hard this must be for you, honey, I do. Losing a friend is one of the most painful things to go through. Mr. Stevens made it very clear-" She started but I interrupted.

Friend. The word tasted like cough medicine in my mouth. That's not the right word. The right one has to be something more than that.

"He's not my friend." I stated. She turned to face me. Surprise was evident on her face, which shocked. I had figured she already knew.

"Connor's not your friend?" I shake my head slightly.

I needed to talk, let it all out. I would have talked to Connor, but that is why we are having this conversation in the first place "There were no girls." I stated, she was confused so I continued "In the tent." I stopped again. "On the camping trip. It was just us."

"We kissed, and now we're like-" I cried into her shoulder. Many thoughts ran through my mind. One was evident. I hate Connor's dad so much.

"More than friends?" She paused for minute, trying to say it right. I started to cry.

"Connor, he told his dad." She put her arm around me and I cried into her shoulder. Why did it have to be like this?

**A Couple Minutes Later**

Connor's POV:

A little while ago I heard someone crying. I hope it wasn't Jude. If it was, you don't want to know what I'd do. If it was, it was because of my dad.

As I was thinking about the devil, he walked in. I was about to yell at him to get out of the room. But he was holding it open. Interesting. Probably for a doctor or something.

But instead, Jude appeared in front of me. Confusion filled me but was quickly replaced by pure elation. I could finally see Jude! My dad left, closing the door. I was curious of him for only a second. Why would he do this?

We were no longer separated, we were finally together. Even if it's for a couple seconds, I'm grateful. Jude approached the bed. Instantly, I grabbed his hand lightly. Fingering through his hand I noticed the blue nail polish. I smile widened, even though it hardly seemed possible.

"What's this?" I asked him.

He smiled and said "War paint." I scooted over so he could sit next to me. My grasp on his hand was gentle but I never let go. I will never let go of Jude Adams Foster.

**Five Minutes Later**

"So, how's it going?" I asked. Man how awkward can I be?!

"Good I guess...I'm happy that I can see you!" He replied. He is so sweet. But why did my dad let him in. He hated Jude.

"Do you know why my dad let you in?" I asked suspiciously. Maybe now wasn't the time but I needed to know. He would never do this without a reason. I hope it's because he finally accepted us. But I gave up on wanting that a long time ago.

He looked at me in confusion. "I don't know. I mean, he was talking with my mom for a little bit before he let me in. But other than that...He just let me in, without saying a word. Why?"

"It's not like him to just do that. You even know that! It just seems..." I pondered

"Odd" We said together. We both started laughing, falling back against the bed.

Jude's POV:

We both stayed silent for a little while. Then I said "Remember the time we were fighting over Maddie? You really liked her, and I told you that she asked me out so I should go out with her."

He laughed "Yeah, I remember that. She wasn't worth losing you over." We both smiled, he squeezed my hand gently. "What about it?"

"I was so jealous of her taking you away from me. I pretended it was because I liked her but I didn't. I realized I liked you."

Connor's POV:

I decided to continue the conversation. "Remember when I came to your adoption."

"Yeah" he says. His cheeks were slightly pink. I felt like mine were on fire.

"That's when I realized that Maddie wasn't worth losing you over, because I didn't have any remote feelings for her. I liked you."

"I was so excited that time we almost kissed at the party. I would have given me an excuse to kiss you and not be afraid of anyone telling my dad."

He started laughing. It was infectious. It was soft and sweet. I loved his laugh. "But Callie and your dad have perfect timing, don't they?" I started laughing too.

We laughed a little more but then stopped. He spoke again, but very quietly. I listened carefully "I had really wanted to kiss you too."

I need to do this. I need to.

Now, his face is focused on the tv. But then realizing my discomfort/nervousness, he faced me with concern.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I didn't say anything for minute then I worked up my courage.

"Jude, can I ask you something?" I asked sheepishly. It must have seemed silly, but Jude looked at me with the most concern and seriousness in the world.

"You can ask me anything." He said then repeated his previous statement "What's wrong, Connor?"

I chickened out. "Never mind." I said quickly, dismissing the subject. I was too nervous, I couldn't do it.

He grew even more concerned. I almost wanted to laugh, both in awkwardness and the fact that Jude was making it look like I was going to tell him that I had three weeks to live.

"Please, Connor." He pleaded. "Please tell me."

I shifted uncomfortably. Here goes nothing. I looked straight at him. "Jude, will you go out with me?"

Jude's POV:

Did he just ask me out? I think he just asked me out. Oh my god, he just asked my me out!

Before I did anything I said "Yes!" And before I knew it, he kissed me. We stayed there, almost forever, in our paradise.


End file.
